top of page

More Than a Pair of Shoes

Picture this:

A boy has 8 siblings. He was six years old and had never owned a pair of shoes or nice clothes. One day his father and mother went to the market with his two well dressed older brothers. When they came back his brothers were grinning, showing off their cool, brand new shoes. They gloated while he stared at his bare feet. They always get stuff. He stood there watching their joy with one thought running through his head: why don’t they love me too? Two years later when he started working he bought his own first pair of shoes.

A flashbulb memory is “the clear recollections that a person may have of the circumstances associated with a dramatic event”

Food, clothes, bedding, toys, school supplies, reveal a great deal. I’m not talking about the kid with 3 laptops and a pair of shoes to match every outfit. I’m talking about meeting the needs of your child to the best of your ability. My son remembers the shoes, not because he is materialistic, but because it showed him, at 6 years old, that he didn't matter. Our battle now is to show him he's worthy of love, and every opportunity matters.

A pair of shoes is never just a pair of shoes.

I had the honor of attending an orphan care conference this year put on by CAFO. One of the speakers said that when he is asked if he really loves his adopted son as much as his biological children he replies “Easy, I love him more. I KNOW I love my adopted son, my other kids I'm not so sure about.” Love is a verb, not a noun. Love is an action, a daily choice. He talked about the hard work and consistency that was required to love his adopted child. Deep down his son doubted he was worthy of love. He needed to strive to prove his love to his adopted son, his other children took that love for granted.

In some ways I can relate to that speaker. Loving Antonio is different than loving Seraphim. I've had Seras infancy to teach her we love her. She knew she was safe with me before she was even born. Zero effort. Easy. Peasy. Trust was there. Not once has someone suggested we "just give up" perusing her. Not once has someone suggested that we "just find an easier kid to bring home." Nobody told us that we should "just find a kid born in America." That "we can find another home for her."

In order to trust us, Antonio requires much more than the fact that I exist. Packing a lunch, offering to wash his clothes, buying grapes, surprise donuts, saying yes to a walk (even when I’m tired), taking family photos, staying up with him all night while he processes memories that came back, family dinners, and providing an allowance (and so much more) day in and day out ALL matter. It is important that we show him with our actions (not just our words) that he is worthy, important, and so loved.

The day we obtained legal guardianship of Antonio we celebrated by buying him a new coat, a symbol of providence. The legal document requires that we feed, clothe, and educate him but that is just the beginning to the healing. (Learn about the hierarchy of needs here)

I will never be a perfect parent but God has shown me that healing begins first with trust and safety. I am grateful that my Father in heaven loves me even though I have repeatedly disappointed and resisted Him. The only correct response is to show my son that same love.

A coat is never just a coat.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are currently in Michigan working to save money for our move to Antigua. Antonio needs a new start and we need a change of scenery so we aren't reminded of our great loss every time we walk past the Fundacion. Heather is still working with Story doing bookkeeping online, and Bob works on our mineral business online. Our daughter Sera just turned 13 months old.

bottom of page